Waiting

I'm sitting in the waiting room of my GI doctor's office, waiting to hear what the biopsies of my colon look like that he took when he did my colonoscopy several weeks ago. We are also going to discuss what medicine I need to start for my ulcerative colitis. This has been a long road for me. My colon started acting up as a teenager and has been a source of anxst for several decades. I am not a great patient advocate when it comes to my needs. I'm much better when it comes to my loved ones. Having been in the military for almost 20 years, the art of attaining continuity of care was lost on me. Knowing we would uproot and move every two years or so made regular appts for myself seem like a tedious waste of time. I had five littles to take care of and their health was more important and more pressing. But now I don't have that excuse. We are no longer relocating every few years and my children are healthy and more independent now. So here I sit, following up with my GI, anticipating great results from my biopsies and expecting low dose medicine for the time being. 

I've had a few cancer scares over the years with my breasts and my uterus but those all came to nothing, praise Jesus. I feel I have peace that surpasses all understanding with this colon appt because God has proven himself faithful time and time again. Jesus is my unshakable joy, in spite of my circumstances. He speaks into the storms of my life and even holds the boat of my life in the palm of His hand. I'm truly looking forward to addressing my chronic inflammation and seeing improvements in my health as I start medicine and make some lifestyle changes. I've started a Whole30 diet as well to address inflammation from a dietary standpoint. My hope and prayer is first and foremost that God would completely heal me. While I wait for that wholeness on this side of Heaven I need to be intentional about taking steps to honor the body God gave me. 

GI appt went very well. I have a very mild form of ulcerative colitis and will be starting on Tier 1 treatment with a follow up in 3 months. I am excited to see how God uses this treatment and my diet changes to bring healing and restoration to my body!

Where Have All The Words Gone?

Hello, blogging world. It has been a very long time. In fact, it has been over two years since my last post. Something I committed to doing regularly some four years ago, has turned into a  stray sock that fell behind the dryer and was lost forever. Until I did Spring cleaning of course and pulled the dryer out and found said missing sock. As for Spring cleaning, that is a bad word in our home, as is the word "bored". Deep cleaning and I have a hate/hate relationship. 

I digress.

Why am I back to the blogging grind after taking such a long hiatus? Words. Simply put. Words have a tendency to rise up in me, so many that if they do not spill out onto a page, they will insufferably be buried down deep and forgotten. It has been a long, dry, and isolating season for us all as we've suffered the effects of COVID-19 and have holed up in our homes, against our desire, for most of 2020. Now I've consumed my share of words, ideas, and opinions via social media, books, and other miscellaneous forms of communication. But I have not truly expressed very many of my own, organic words. I can get lost in books, both literally and figuratively as my husband and I both stumble over the piles of them I leave EVERYWHERE. If Amazon gave out awards for most prolific book purchasers, I would have that sucker on my desk, displayed proudly. But I struggle to set aside time to get my own words out and organized. What if I stopped worrying about organization and presentation and just got them out? 

Today has been an exceptionally low day. I experienced a "dark night of the soul". I locked myself in my innermost, Holy of Holies, aka my closet, and wrestled with God. The wrestling had less to do with the circumstances surrounding me and more to do with the wellbeing of my spirit man. Ask anyone and I am the poster child of "I'm fine, nothing is wrong!" It has only been these last 8 months or so that God, in His mercy, has begun to unpack my innermost emotional wounds and words, against my will I might add. To the point that I have to unpack, process, and sit in the moment whenever I am overwhelmed. I can no longer shove it down or under the proverbial carpet. It's actually impossible now. My soul refuses to be silenced any longer. Having a voice is a good thing, it's a God thing. For too long I've held a fearful hand over the mouth of my spirit and commanded it to hush. No more.