Sending My Soldier Off

Today Jose came home from work and informed me that rather than leaving for Europe next week he’ll be leaving much sooner, in less than two days. Yes, we knew it was coming. One last weekend was taken away. I don’t think it’s the weekend so much that upsets us. It’s the fact that it’s right in front of us now, like going into labor early and you haven’t packed your bag for the hospital.  We are kind of scrambling, giving each other those long, sad-eyed looks over the kids’ heads, hugging each other a little longer and tighter than we were just yesterday. You’d think we were pros by now, I mean this will be Jose’s 4^th tour away from us. If you add up all the tours and months of training in between we will have endured almost 5 years of separation in the 16 years of our marriage. To some that’s a lot, to others, hardly nothing. For us? Too much. Too much time apart, too many missed birthdays, too many nights alone, too many tears shed, too many “suck it up and drive on” moments. Too many, too much, enough. As hard as yet another good bye is, I refuse to wallow in misery and walk around in a depressed fog until Jose comes back home. My goal this year, this separation, is to THRIVE not just survive. I want to live in the moment, be present each and every day and not waste a single ounce of joy or laughter on worrying about tomorrow. I want my children to thrive as well. I want Jose to thrive even as he lives away from us for another long tour. How is that even possible?? There is one source and one source only, Jesus Christ. All else is but an empty promise of hope fulfilled, happiness or joy. Thriving will come by abiding in Jesus. He is my first love, my soul’s delight, my heart’s content, my spirit’s strength.  So as I send my lover, my best friend, my husband off yet again to serve his country, do his duty, I will stand tall, head held high. I will cry but I will not despair. I will miss him but I will not shut down and stop living. I will live life to the fullest and bring my children along for the adventure. We will suck every drop of joy and laughter out of every possible moment. We will waste no opportunity to dance, laugh loudly, sing our hearts out, throw open the windows of our souls and let the fresh wind of the Spirit of His presence blow through. May His Spirit fill every pore of my being, ooze out and permeate the atmosphere wherever I go. I send you off Jose with a tear in my eye, a hole in my heart and expectation in my spirit. We both have a journey to walk out this coming year, may the Lord amaze us both at His presence in our lives. May we both live intentional lives, with purpose. I’ll see you on the other side baby. Be safe, stay strong. I’ve got the kids covered. We’ve got this. Just come home to me.