Goodnight

I should be asleep, head on my pillow softly breathing. I need that recharge. The littles don’t know when I haven’t had enough sleep at night to pause before entering my room bright and early seeking me out. How would they know that while they slept peacefully I struggled through the night with too many thoughts, tears, and the dreaded self-pity party? I suppose I could chalk it up to hormones, a busy day or too much caffeine. But whatever the cause I find myself now typing away madly, hoping to catalog my woes and leave them here so I can crawl back into bed and close my eyes and sleep. There’s no one here except me, these thoughts, and Jesus. Yes, Jesus you are enough and all I need for every moment both good and bad. You made me to be an intricate, emotional and wordy individual though. So here I sit at 1am plunking away at this laptop. Random thoughts seem random. For me, right now, on this dark night, as I type by the light of my keyboard, I feel the relief oozing in. What am I even typing about? I don’t really know, don’t care. I just feel better getting it out. Being thankful works miracles for a downtrodden soul.

I’m thankful for healthy babies.

I’m thankful for smiles on their faces.

For hugs and giggles

For loud voices outside in the cul-de-sac

For a busy, productive day

For friends far and close

For my hubby’s face on my phone

For songs that seem to know me

For a whispered “I love you Mommy.”

For peace in my heart

For peace in my home

For eyes that have stopped leaking

For pillows to catch my tears

For good morning messages left by my baby

For this, words on paper, thoughts bled out, self-pity sneaking out my door, peace settling on my spirit and my bed calling me back to its warmth.

Goodnight.